I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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