there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
