the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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