why didn't you poke me back
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
