i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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