I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
