Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
