Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize