Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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