I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
