I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
