I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
