How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
