I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
