it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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