Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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