as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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