i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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