Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize