My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
