help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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