Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize