Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
