college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
