In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
