dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
