hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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