Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
