So drunk its hurt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
