I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
