1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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