Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
