I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
