i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
