11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
