Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
