is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
