You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
