Umm I'm too high to move.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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