Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize