If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Text me some of your sweat
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
