As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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