She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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