We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
