Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
