Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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