So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i think i just lost a toe
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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