they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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