I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize