I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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