They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
