Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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