i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to have your abortion
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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