I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
