Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
