D3 body, D1 cock
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
