I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
