he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
