the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize