She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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