That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
