He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
