I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
MIDGETS
????
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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