I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
