Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
