You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
