I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
