Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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