we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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