john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's rum buckets o'clock
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
