Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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